


All the Things Left Unsaid (Until It's Finally Spoken)

by CupcakeOfAwesomeness



Series: Left Unsaid No Longer [1]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Apologies, First Kiss, Getting Together, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:41:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26242825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CupcakeOfAwesomeness/pseuds/CupcakeOfAwesomeness
Summary: They both fucked up, they both want to change.
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Jared Kleinman
Series: Left Unsaid No Longer [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2001469
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35





	All the Things Left Unsaid (Until It's Finally Spoken)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey!! Fell in love with this ship 😍 so wrote up this lil get-together fic~ it's pretty quick and unrealistic but hey 😌✨ what else is fanfiction for?

They both had something to apologize for. _Many things_ , actually. Neither spoke, though; Jared was far too proud and Evan was, well, _Evan_. At least, that's what it seemed on the surface. 

Jared stared at his phone, screen illuminating his furrowed brows and hands grasping at his hair. Evan's contact information taunted him. It sneered: _you aren't strong enough, asshole. He deserves a fucking apology, but you can't muster up the courage to text him? Bitch._

“ _He_ should apologize to _me_ ,” Jared retorted, though his voice wobbled and his hands tugged tighter at his scalp. He didn't acknowledge to his empty bedroom that he was having a conversation with an undialed phone number. 

_Maybe so,_ contact-screen-Evan agreed icily, _but you made him put up with so much shit. It's a wonder he never called you out sooner. You don't deserve him._

Jared groaned, ripping his glasses off to rub his teary eyes. “Fuck.”

Simultaneously, Evan sat in his own bedroom, typing fervently on his laptop and biting his lip. 

_Dear Evan Hansen,_

_Today is going to be a good day and here's why:_

_You are finally going to apologize to Jared today. You will rekindle your friendship. Or lose him forever. Also a likely possibility. After all, you roped him into this awful web of lies and treated him like garbage and you couldn't have done any of this without him, even though, looking back, it was a horrible decision that you now will both live to regret your whole lives and it's all your fault that Jared will have to deal with this—_

_No. Think positively. Worst case scenario, he still feels hurt by you (understandably) and you both simply move on. Best case, he accepts your apology and kisses you_ |

He frowned, picking at his hangnails. No. He backspaced and revised his last sentence. 

_Best case, he accepts your apology and you continue as family friends._

Nodding, he quickly finished up his note (rambling on a bit more about how much he missed their friendship— _family_ _friendship_ —and then signed off with his usual _Sincerely, Me_ ) and closed his computer. He had already decided that he would tell Jared how sincerely sorry he was. _Tonight_. 

He was honestly _terrified_ , especially at the idea of rejection, but it _needed_ to be done and he was never going to get less anxious about it. He had already tried waiting for his anxiety about the situation to lessen and, instead of feeling more confident, he merely continued awkwardly avoiding Jared (who mutually ignored him) and getting more and more nervous by the day. A whole _month_ of not apologizing was too long and he needed to at least _try_ to make things right. 

His mom wasn't home—she was getting better about spending more time with him, but her job still had her busy—so he just pulled on his shoes, locked the door, and headed out. The Kleinman house wasn't far at all, only a block away, so he set off walking. He knew that if he told Jared he was coming, he would leave or lock the door or something—not that it was an unwarranted reaction, but Evan needed to at least _tell him_. He didn't need to _listen_ , but Evan needed him to _know_. His nerves never left him; he kept walking. 

There was only one car in the driveway: Jared's. That meant his parents weren't home and it would just be him and Evan. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door, rocking back and forth on his heels nervously. _Please open the door, Jared, please open the door..._

The door swung open. Jared locked eyes with Evan, then groaned irritably. He looked ready to slam the door again, so Evan quickly stepped into the doorway, saying, “Wait, wait, wait! I'm so so sorry!”

Jared scrutinized him, eyes narrowed. Reluctantly, he sighed and allowed the taller boy to enter his house. He plopped down onto the couch, arms cross and expression expectant. Evan took this as his cue to grovel. 

“I fucked up,” he began, picking at his fingers. “I _know_ I fucked up _so bad_. I'm not trying to say I _didn't_ hurt you, because I _did_ , and I _know_ that it's going to take a lot of time to recover from all of this, but I am honestly _so_ sorry, Jared. I won't say I didn't mean what I said or did—because, at the time, I _did_ —even though I regretted it _immediately_ and wanted to apologize _for weeks_ , but I was scared, which is a _shitty_ excuse, I know, but I genuinely can't express how sorry I am!” He swallowed the lump in his throat, blinking back tears. “I know we were just—just _family friends_ , but you were my _only_ friend and you were _always_ there for me when I needed you and I _know_ I don't _deserve_ your friendship but—!”

“ _Deserve_?” Jared interrupted, incredulously. He stood, and Evan could see his eyes were red, almost like he had been crying. “ _You_ don't deserve _me_?” He shook his head with a quivering laugh. “No, _I_ don't deserve _you_ , Evan.”

“I—huh?” was all Evan said because what else _could_ he say? 

“I have been an asshole to you for _years,_ ” Jared said, shaking with rageful tears. “You made a _shitty_ , _fucked up_ mistake and, yeah, were an _asshole_ , but _ONCE_. _One time_ , Evan. And, yeah, I meant what I said and _still do_ , but _every other moment_ of our _goddamn lives_ , you have been _nothing_ but _kind_ to me! I sure as _hell_ didn't _deserve_ that!” He raised his head, wet eyes meeting Evan's already tear-streaked face. “I didn't deserve _you_. Not once.”

Evan couldn't hold back. He pulled Jared into a tight embrace. Jared seemed to melt, sniffling loudly and coughing out a sob. Evan whispered, “You _do_ deserve kindness, Jared. You really do.”

Jared gripped Evan's shirt, burying his head in the crook of his neck, trying not to cry, trying not to embarrass himself, but Evan was being so fucking _perfect_ , that it was difficult to stop the flow of tears. 

“You _were_ an asshole,” Evan conceded, as he held his friend comfortingly in his arms, “but I don't think you _really_ were. You were all sarcastic and acted rude and tough, but underneath, I know you're considerate and loyal and _funny_ and _intelligent_ and—and _genuine_.” He paused, tightening the hug when Jared let out a pitiful sob. “You were always there for me, no matter what, and high school is fucking _hell on earth_ and I _know_ how _hard_ it is to be a _loser_ and I don't blame you for not wanting to associate with me, but you still _did_ , even though you didn't want to. I don't think it was just because our moms are friends, either.”

Jared's hiccupy weeping had slowed now and he mumbled, voice hoarse, “Yeah. Yeah, you're right.” He managed to look up at Evan, though his smudged and tear-stained lenses. “You were my only _real_ friend, Evan. I knew some people casually, but you were— _are_ —the only one who really knows me.” His eyes shifted back down to the mess he had left on his friend's shirt. “Fuck, I fucked everything up. I— _I'm_ sorry. I should never have been such a jerk to you.”

“Jared?” The boy in question hesitantly glanced up again. Evan was smiling. “Can we be friends again? _Real_ friends? We can start over, be nicer, be _real_ with each other. If you want,” he tacked on quickly, rubbing the back of his neck. 

Jared smiled too, nodding slowly. “Yeah, I'd like that, Evan. I'm sorry. Again. Still. _Fuck_ , I don't think I'll ever be able to say it enough, with all the shit I put you through,” he groaned, putting his head in his hands despairingly. 

“You don't have to say it anymore,” Evan said softly, squeezing the shorter boy's hand. “I forgive you.”

“I forgive you too,” Jared replied, returning the encouraging gesture. Then he shook his head, mumbling, “ _Fuck, okay_.”

“What?”

“If we're being real with each other, I have a confession that's gonna be awkward as fuck, but if I don't tell you, I think I'll _explode_.”

“Well, let's avoid that, then,” Evan said, sitting next to Jared on the couch. He gave the other boy his full attention, leaning forward intently. 

Jared swallowed nervously. _Was he really doing this?_

“You—you don't _have_ to tell me if you're uncomfortable—”

“ _I've had a crush on you for years_ ,” Jared blurted, immediately covering his face in shame. 

“You—you—wait—”

“I _know_! You don't like me and that's _understandable_ , and it's the _worst_ time to tell you, and—!”

“Jared!” Evan ripped Jared's hands away from his face, staring at him in awe. “Are you being serious?”

Jared said nothing, gaze shifting to his lap. He nodded. 

“Okay, I—okay, if this isn't _all right_ —or, I—” Evan shook his head, gently cupping Jared's face in his hands. “ _Just_ —just punch me if you hate this.”

Their lips connected and Jared felt the butterflies in his stomach revert into caterpillars, wriggling around his intestines and tickling his heart excitedly. He pressed into the kiss, hands finding a place by the blond's hips, pulling him closer. Their shuffling disrupted the couch cushions, but neither boy cared. They could only think of their lips and their entwined bodies and their lustful fantasies. One of Evan's hands found its way into Jared's hair, grabbing a fistful tenderly, and Jared's hands moved downward until they sat contently on Evan's ass. If Jared could put perfection into a feeling, this would be it. 

He only pulled away because of the human need to breathe, but he let his forehead rest on Evan's, panting in breathless excitement. He grinned and kissed Evan again, this time quick and chaste. Evan was grinning now too. 

“I can't believe that happened,” Evan whispered, beaming. “I never thought you'd like me the way I like you.”

“Me neither,” Jared admitted, still cupping Evan's ass. He gave it a squeeze with an impish smirk. Evan rolled his eyes and kissed Jared's cheek. Jared's expression shifted into a more solemn one, taking his hands away and intertwining his fingers with Evan's instead. “Can I be your boyfriend, Ev?”

“Only if _I_ can be _yours_!”

“You drive a hard bargain, Hansen,” he joked, leaning forward again with a sultry expression, “but I think I'll take you up on that.”

Evan captured his lips again, sighing happily. “ _God_ , Jared... This is the best day of my life.”

Jared's smile softened. “Mine, too. But, I think I know how to make it better.”

“How?”

Jared shrugged and laid down, pulling Evan on top of him, seductively. “You're smart, Hansen; what do you think?”

Evan blushed. “Hey, at least buy me dinner first,” he joked, but to his surprise, Jared sat up. 

“All right, let's go, then.”

“Wait, really? Now?”

“I don't _just_ want sex, Evan,” he said quietly. “I want to actually _date you_. I don't want to fuck this up like I fucked up our friendship.”

“You _didn't_ fuck up our friendship, Jare, but... I want to date you, too.” Evan kissed him again. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For everything.”

_Dear Evan Hansen,_

_Today is going to be a good day and here's why:_

_You and Jared have a date planned today. Your second date within the span of 24 hours! When you apologized last night and said everything you needed to say, he apologized as well and said everything he needed to say, and then took you out for dinner! You wouldn't let him pay for you, so now he's insisting on taking you to the arcade today._

_You slept over last night and now, as you sit here, typing up this note on your phone, you realize that you've already been in love with Jared for a long time. This is going to be an incredible relationship. I'm glad you told him; you're not worlds apart anymore._

_Sincerely, Me_

“Whatcha writing?” came a tired voice from his left. Jared is still cuddled into his side, arms around his waist, squinting blearily at him. 

“Letter,” Evan explained, quickly pocketing his phone and leaning down to tenderly peck him on the lips. Jared's lips curved into a smile, kissing him again greedily. “How'd you sleep, Jare?”

“Mm. Better than I have in a long time, honestly.” He reached blindly over to grab his glasses from the bedside table. Finally, seeing his boyfriend through a non-blurry lens. “You?”

Evan caressed the shorter boy's cheek gently. “Me too.”

Jared leaned into the touch, his cocky facade not yet having kicked in for the day. Evan was honoured to have the privilege to view _this_ side of Jared—this gentle, loving side that he always knew he had. 

“What's that look for?”

Evan merely tilted his head, admiring the boy he got to call his. “I'm just... I'm glad I told you.”

Jared's expression softened further, cupping Evan's hand in his own. “Me too, Ev. Me too.”

Things were no longer left unsaid between them. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this!!! Kudos and comments mean the world to me 😄💜
> 
> ~Jayce


End file.
